(由 Google 翻译)在工作了一整天,身心俱疲之后,我本想犒劳一下自己,享受一次据说是可持续的顶级炸鱼薯条店体验。结果,我得到的却是一场烹饪大师级的失败,一切都被包裹在一个湿漉漉的纸盒里,里面装着破碎的梦想。这已经是第二次了。
先从鱼开始,或者应该说,小鳕鱼,伪装成主菜。价格足够一家四口人吃,但我却只拿到了一块裹着面糊的鱼肉,看起来像是从一条自然死亡的鱼身上切下来的。干巴巴的,就像你姑妈做的圣诞火鸡,而且比圣诞火鸡更不爽,鱼肉完全烤过了。面糊虽然酥脆金黄,但吃起来却像是用冷漠调味,然后在纸盒旁边放了一个星期。如果你喜欢口感而不带味道,那么恭喜你,你找到了你的圣杯。
薯条,愿上帝保佑它们,尽了最大的努力。外皮蓬松,却像无盐圣餐薄饼一样索然无味,盐和醋去哪儿了?或许只是悄悄地问了一句。至多只是一层薄薄的雾气,或许在旅途中就蒸发掉了。我像迷失在沙漠中寻找水源一样,努力寻找着美味。
裹着面糊的香肠是炸鱼薯条店常见的谜团,是那种标准的神秘肉丸。可惜的是,它也裹着同样不新鲜的面糊,味道一点也不好。这种烹饪的总结让我质疑了所有为了这一刻而做出的人生选择。
别忘了咖喱酱,它就像阴云密布的夜空中一颗孤独的星星。丝滑、柔滑,带着一种温暖,几乎让我忘记了其他一切的痛苦,但唉,这在烹饪界就像葬礼上热情的握手。虽然很贴心,但完全无法让已经消逝的东西复活。
最后,最令人惊喜的是自制塔塔酱,价格高达2.20英镑。我原本以为会有天使带着手工打发的酱汁降临,结果却发现和手套箱里亨氏小袋里的东西没什么区别。如果那是自制的,那我的悲伤也一样。
总而言之?这简直是“形式大于内容”的典型例子。这家店或许在可持续发展方面大肆宣传,但却忘记了人们来这里的唯一目的——一顿像样的饭菜。价格过高,令人失望,而且被过度炒作,就像一场西区演出,灯光都亮着,但演员们却一个都没看过剧本。
我会第三次来吗?除非我打赌输了。或者我的味觉输了。附近有很多更好的选择,而且性价比更高。
*** 编辑 ***
回复店主:
天哪,我没想到我这篇诚实的评论竟然能毁掉你一整天的好心情。要是早知道我有这么大的影响力,我肯定会再最后点一份蒲公英牛蒡口味的,而且要更庄重一些。
需要澄清的是,你没有蒲公英牛蒡口味的,所以才点了一听健怡可乐,这实在是太没劲了。我知道,这真是个悲剧。至于餐巾纸,或者说没有餐巾纸,我优雅地用工作裤擦了擦油腻腻的手,勉强凑合着用。这可真是个大胆的时尚宣言,不是吗?
薯条叉?吃鱼的时候完全没用,除非你想玩“捅滑”的游戏。没错,这次他们没给我提供更丰盛的餐点,不过,嘿,当你能像穴居人一样费力地吃着辛苦赚来的晚餐时,餐具就被高估了。
与你戏剧化的解读相反,我并没有利用“休息日”来写这篇评论,而是利用了另一个漫长工作日中宝贵的休息时间,对一个我去过不止一次却不太满意的地方进行了诚实的点评。
总之,我觉得这弥补了你提到的我遗漏的几点。谢谢,我的美食照片确实很棒。谢谢你注意到我。
祝一切顺利。
(原文)
After a long, soul-sapping day at work, I thought I’d treat myself to what was promised as a sustainable, top-tier chip shop experience. What I received instead was a masterclass in culinary underachievement, all wrapped in a soggy cardboard box of broken dreams. For the second time.
Let’s start with the fish, or should I say, the codling, masquerading as a main course. At a price that could’ve fed a family of four on a budget, I was presented with a battered fragment that looked like it had been hacked off a fish that died of natural causes. Dry as your aunt’s Christmas turkey and twice as joyless, the flesh was utterly overcooked. The batter, while boasting a golden crunch, tasted like it had been seasoned with apathy & stored next to cardboard for a week. If texture without taste is your thing, congratulations, you’ve found your holy grail.
The chips, bless them, tried their best. Fluffy on the inside but as flavourless as unsalted communion wafers, where was the salt and vinegar? Whispered, perhaps. A light misting at best, which might have evaporated during the journey. I searched for flavour like a man lost in the desert looks for water.
The battered sausage was a familiar chippy enigma, your standard mystery meat torpedo. But sadly, it too was smothered in that same stale batter, which did the taste no favours. It’s the sort of culinary wrap-up that made me question all my life choices leading to this moment.
Let us not forget the curry sauce, the one lonely star in an otherwise overcast sky. Silky, smooth, and with a warmth that almost, almost, made me forget the misery of everything else, but alas, it was the culinary equivalent of a warm handshake at a funeral. A nice touch, but utterly incapable of reviving what had already died.
And finally, the pièce de résistance, homemade tartare sauce, proudly priced at £2.20. For that, I expected angels to descend with hand-whipped emulsions. What I got was something indistinguishable from a Heinz sachet found in the back of a glove box. If that’s homemade, then so is my sadness.
Overall? A textbook example of style over substance. This shop might be singing & dancing about sustainability, but it’s forgotten the one thing people come for, a decent meal. Overpriced, underwhelming, & grossly overhyped, like a West End show where all the lights work but none of the actors have read the script.
Would I return for a third time ? Only if I lost a bet. Or my sense of taste. Much better options & value nearby.
*** Edit ***
In reply to the owner :
Oh dear, I didn’t realise my honest review had the power to derail your entire day, if only I’d known I wielded such influence, I’d have asked for the dandelion & burdock one last time with a touch more gravitas.
To clarify, you were out of dandelion & burdock, hence the uninspiring decision to order a can of Diet Coke. A tragedy, I know. As for the serviette, or lack thereof, I made do by elegantly wiping my greasy hands down my work trousers. A bold fashion statement, wouldn’t you say?
The chip fork? Utterly useless when it comes to fish, unless you’re aiming for a game of “stab and slide.” And yes, I wasn’t offered anything more substantial on this occasion but hey, cutlery is overrated when you can wrestle your hard earned evening meal like a caveman.
Contrary to your dramatic interpretation, I didn’t spend a “day off” writing the review, I used my precious break during another long workday to provide an honest review of somewhere I’ve been to more than once that has missed the mark.
Anyway I think that clears up the missing points I’d left out, that you’ve brought up & and thanks, I do take great food pics. Cheers for noticing.
All the best.