This is a completely honest and valid review, not an exaggeration, I promise.
TL;DR based solely on the food for those too impatient to read the whole story- the food is "good" but not great whatsoever. Three Michelin stars be darned, a large number of dishes completely missed in a big way. And for the outrageous price tag, it is AT BEST a 2.5 or 3 out of 5 stars.
So why am I giving it 1 out of 5 stars? My wife became violently ill after the meal, likely from food poisoning. The restaurant refused to even respond to my attempts to contact them.
Introduction: bad first impression, so the place doesn't open until after 8pm...but our reservation was for 8:00 so we arrived 10 minutes early, naturally, and waited almost 30 minutes to be seen and seated.
Drinks: we are not much for alcohol. My wife ordered a mocktail which was essentially apple juice mixed with 2 or 3 other elements that were completely lost and indistinguishable behind the apple juice base. That didn't stop them for charging us €18 for it. I asked for a beer menu, but the waiter insisted he recommend me a beer based on my preferences. I said I like German and Belgian style wheat beers. He recommended a pilsner...and it becomes apparent he doesn't actually know anything about beer, so I politely declined and ask for a local Spanish Lager instead. It was just okay. I wish I actually got to see a full beer menu.
Appetizer: we ordered the tasting menu. The first bites and appetizers are mostly pretty good! The mushrooms and clams appetizer was tasty. The fennel was interesting, not bad but nothing special. The shrimp tartare tasted like almost nothing, which is honestly fine with me given that it was raw shrimp. The steak tartare also tasted like nothing, which was a shame because I love steak tartare.
Bread: I hated the bread service here. They have 6 different types of bread, 5 types of butter, and a house made olive oil. All that is great. The main problem is they portion the bread out for you 1 to 2 pieces at a time between courses. You never get a chance to try a type of bread more than once, and if you get a type that you don't like then you're just sort of pressured to eat it anyway. Why does the customer not have the liberty to get all the bread at the table and once to taste and portion themselves their favorites? I experienced far better bread services at 1 and 2 Michelin star restaurants in the past.
First courses: the courses here really struggled to land for me. The sea cucumber and octopus were alright but nothing special (there is a theme here). The "pineapple 5 ways" dish was utter slop: it was a contrast of texture and temperature preparations of pineapple that confused and annoyed the palate as opposed to tantalizing it. The scallops were fine but the mucousy base textures in the sauce surrounding it were offputting, to say the least. The ravioli was the best of the middle courses, it was al dente and delicious, and the foam around it gave it a nice textural contrast.
Main course: the biggest miss of the night had to be the pork trotters. When your menu only has 2 main "meat" dishes and one of them is a piece of pork that is 90% fat and collagen, then it feels like a cheap experience. I like fatty meat as much as the next guy, but this "meat" ate like a foreign delicacy that locals would enjoy, not a main dish at a 3 Michelin star restaurant. Horrifyingly bad dish. The venison, in contrast, was absolutely delicious. Best venison I've ever had.
Dessert: my favorite dish of the night might have been the white chocolate and pistachio dessert. It was amazing and unique. The second dessert was called "baba spheres" and that was pure nonsense. The spheres were tasteless, not sweet, not herbaceous, not bitter. Nothing. The petit fours were also just okay.
Verdict: I've had better experiences at 1 Michelin star, 2 Michelin star, and fine dining restaurant without any stars across both Europe and the world. This was my first 3 Michelin star experience and will probably be my last. To pay a grand total of $875 USD for two people for