(由 Google 翻译)来玩颠倒屋吧,别走,因为你的孩子已经进入了情绪自由落体状态。
我带着两个儿子,8岁的Caleb和4岁的Emmanuel,期待着这一天的家庭联谊和亲手体验科学魔术。结果,我得到的却是有氧运动、各种小故障,以及那种只有困在世界上最悲伤的泡泡屋里才会有的存在主义反思。
破碎梦想的泡泡屋
我们像冲进泡沫狂欢派对的重头戏一样冲向泡泡站。Emmanuel已经准备好了——卷起袖子,手里拿着泡泡棒,眼里闪烁着喜悦的光芒。
然后……什么都没有。
没有泡泡。
没有魔法。
只有一个悲伤的塑料圈,滴着肥皂水般的背叛泪水。
Emmanuel看着我的眼神,仿佛我当面骗了他。就这样,他玩完了。下班了。入住无聊小镇。人口:他。
“惊喜!这要额外付费”的街机游戏
好吧,我想——没问题!我们换点好玩的吧!
我们去了自助餐厅,那里是街机游戏时间……但剧情突然反转:所有游戏都是按次付费的。我已经付了门票钱,现在每3分钟就得刷一次卡,就像被困在拉斯维加斯的幼儿赌场一样。
卡莱布过着他最好的生活。埃马纽埃尔?他把所有的精力都用在了玩一个没有代币的赛车游戏上,然后情绪就像从未破灭的泡沫一样泄气了。
故障城市和延迟实验室
我们去了博物馆的其他地方,希望能恢复过来。结果感觉就像在用拨号上网测试一个科学展览会一样:
沙站就像在猫砂里挖东西,而且没有投入。
自己涂颜色的火车卡顿得厉害,我吓得僵住了。不是屏幕的问题,而是我自己的问题。
一些可以亲手体验的展品要么缺件,要么毫无反应,要么就是直接用空白屏幕评判我们。
为了生存,我开始自娱自乐。我攀爬东西,躺在钉床上,在陀螺仪里旋转,而Caleb像个小私人教练一样尖叫着“快点!”。我是唯一一个为了“科学”而挥汗如雨的成年人。
精彩内容(因为确实有)
好吧,公平地说:
幻觉室很酷(我的脑子里想着“等等,什么?!”)
Caleb在速度测试中表现出色,赢得了炫耀的资本。
绳索课程看起来很棒(但身高要求比我作为家长的耐心还要高)。
最终结论:
布兰森奇幻工厂就像和一个魔术师约会。一开始看起来很棒……直到一半的魔术都失效了,你只能向你的孩子解释为什么泡泡现在只是个理论。
如果你的孩子7岁以上,并且喜欢“按一下可能会有反应的按钮”,他们一定会玩得很开心。如果他们像Emmanuel一样只有4岁,你最好带上零食、备用方案,或者还可以带上一场木偶戏——因为你就是新的娱乐方式。
还是值得去一次的。不过,你需要降低你的期望值,在绳索课程开始前做好伸展运动,并带上幽默感。你会需要它的。
(原文)
Come for the upside-down building, stay because your child has entered emotional freefall.
I took my two boys, Caleb (8) and Emmanuel (4), expecting a day of family bonding and hands-on science magic. Instead, I got cardio, glitches, and the kind of existential reflection that only hits you while stuck in the world’s saddest bubble room.
The Bubble Room of Broken Dreams
We sprinted to the bubble station like it was the main event at a foam rave. Emmanuel was ready—sleeves rolled up, bubble wand in hand, eyes sparkling with joy.
And then… nothing.
No bubbles.
No magic.
Just a sad plastic hoop dripping soapy tears of betrayal.
Emmanuel looked at me like I had personally lied to him. And just like that, he was done. Clocked out. Checked into Boredom Town. Population: Him.
The “Surprise! This Costs Extra” Arcade
Okay, so I figure - no problem! Let’s pivot to something fun!
We head to the cafeteria area where it’s arcade time… but plot twist: every game is pay-per-play. After already forking over the ticket price, I now had to swipe my card every 3 minutes like I was stuck in a Vegas toddler casino.
Caleb was living his best life. Emmanuel? He used all his energy trying to play a racing game with no tokens and then emotionally deflated like the bubble that never was.
Glitch City & Laggy Labs
We hit the rest of the museum hoping to bounce back. Instead, it felt like we were beta-testing a science fair on dial-up:
The sand station was like digging in cat litter with commitment issues.
Color-your-own train was so laggy I froze in panic. Not the screen - me.
A few hands-on exhibits were either missing parts, not responding, or straight-up judging us with blank screens.
I started entertaining myself just to survive. I climbed stuff. I laid on a bed of nails. I spun in a gyroscope while Caleb screamed, “FASTER!” like a tiny personal trainer. I was the only adult breaking a sweat in the name of "science."
The Good Stuff (because there was some)
Alright, to be fair:
The illusion rooms were cool (my brain was like, “Wait, what?!”)
Caleb crushed the speed test and earned bragging rights
The ropes course looked amazing (but had a height requirement taller than my parenting patience)
Final Verdict:
WonderWorks Branson is like dating an illusionist. It looks amazing at first… until half the tricks stop working and you’re left explaining to your kid why bubbles are just a theory now.
If your child is 7+ and enjoys “pushing buttons that might respond,” they’ll have a blast. If they’re 4, like Emmanuel, you better bring snacks, a backup plan, and possibly a puppet show—because you’re the new entertainment.
Still worth going once. Just temper your expectations, stretch before the ropes course, and bring a sense of humor. You’ll need it.